洞........... 只想消失

Perseverence....... 不代表只是形容功課,工作上的一切
還包括著忍耐你周圍的一切
環境,人... 很痛苦
有說不出的話
眼淚連自己也不清楚為什麼會掉下來...

迷惑
無奈
無助

世界上.... 感覺.... 原來還是一個人阿......

父母把你生下來 你是一個人
人生過的一切 也還是一個人
以後老了 要離開世界了
最終也還是一個人

又多了些傷
有誰看的到呢?
人
還是最關心自己阿

昨天跟朋友說: "I just want to be normal"

問了我一生中最想做什麼事 什麼事讓我開心快樂
我............ 傻了 回答不出來

我想了想.... high school的這五年
沒有感覺到快樂
全部的時間和energy都花在努力的.......
尋找世界上有什麼質得我繼續存活的原因
努力的找出... reasons for why I shouldn't just disappear....

快七年了
我還沒走出來

浪費調了我的童年 我的光陰
為了什麼..........?

小時後有完在一起的玩伴
去年
走了
我了解 她為什麼會有這個最後的選擇

她.......
比我有勇氣

Cowards
怕死
是做不到的

我一點都不勇敢
我做不到

只是個空殼罷了....
在世界上
飄來飄去

發生什麼 我也不想在乎了

等到我有勇氣的那一天

Another great reason to go to the gym....

Off topic:
Gym裡有好可愛的personal trainer喔..... XD
今天有幫我開門呢~ gentlemen~~~ *heart*
可愛可愛 ^o^

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今天好像沒讀到啥書耶....
心理有點不安
明天再把他給補回來吧~

阿阿...... 為什麼又讀到了critical/discursive psychology阿... >.<
還以為上學期讀完了201就不會再碰到了 -.-"

我所熟悉的字.....
ontology... nature of reality.... epistemology....... //嘆氣..............

Just another example that life works out about 80% not what you expected.

雜七雜八post!

一天睡7-8個小時好像還不太夠耶........ (cough..)

今天geo的tutorial是看一個叫"Tibet, the ice mother"的錄影帶.
發現.... 我原來還真的蠻喜歡地理的阿 (!!)
宇宙萬物和所有看的到的mountains/rivers/volcanoes/lakes/ocean coasts/caves等等.... 都是有他們獨特的歷史和形成的呢. 感覺自己很秒小...........
(sidenote: 山P最近有寫日記,說到他最近有看一部電影叫"The Earth". 不知道是不是這一部.... 好像還是"in production"耶... @@. 好想看呀~~~)

Basically錄影帶在說過去2,700,000年,地球的天氣轉變的原因
(the cause of the change from Tertiary global climate warming to Quaternary global climate cooling/ice age).
跟山的uplift有點關係吧 (uplift中文是.....? >.<)
但都還是蠻controversial & hotly debated的呢.....

Forensic psychology今天開始讀關於小孩和青少年的犯罪法律和心理學. 現在讀到了未成年少女/prostitution的一些事情.... 越讀越發現,心理學真是可以apply to everything呢... (ok, maybe not to the "psychology of nuclear physics etc".... but you never know :P)

Anyway.... 最近有幾部電影想看阿~
Pathology (medical students殺人妙法.....)
Mutant Chronicles (我喜歡的style電影~)
這邊有reviews... 圖片看起來好好看阿 XD
http://www.firstshowing.net/2007/10/19/first-look-thomas-jane-in-the-mutant-chronicles/

Hancock (Will Smith上一部 "I am Legend",我不太喜歡ㄋㄟ.... 通常我是很愛zombie-related電影的, but that one just didn't appeal to me at all)
Stop-Loss (It's got Ryan Phillippe and Channing Tatum... plus it's a war movie.... what MORE can I say *wink*)

聽說了"Kung Fu Panda"很好笑很好看
但.... 不太喜歡animal/animation/comedy電影耶.... -__- 需要勉強自己去笑.. @@

Ok loh, back to studies~

輸了 (pool) + perseverance

最近有 hostel pool tournament, 每一年的撞球比賽
我的撞球skills可以說是....... 有時靈有時又悽慘的可以
有時可以連續贏幾場 (跟超厲害的男生),但又可以連球都打不到.... o.O
(有一次白球還連續被我打進洞裡三次....... *cough*)

重點是我輸了拉
preliminary rounds就被X掉嚕~~
(我打贏的人進了semi-quarter finals. 自我安慰一下...... >.<)

But I'm not too worried. I entered in the beginning to (altruistically) add to the winner's prize pool anyway Orz........
Pool to me is.... knocking a bunch of balls around on a table with a stick. Sometimes it goes in, sometimes it doesn't. And in my case, they usually quite like staying on the table XD

感冒還沒好
快點好吧..... >.< 都病了一個week了

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Stumbled upon an article today on Get Frank (NZ men's online lifestyle mag) (hey who says girls can only read girl mags!).

It's like another smack on my head, literally. As if I didn't have enough of those already.....
I can't think too much. I know I do possess a really negative thought and reasoning process, which usually aren't that beneficial. Solution: study so much you don't have time to think about other stuff.

The title is "Perseverance: The characteristic that separates the successful from the mediocre" (written by George Ambler). How totally inspirational is that (and depressing too if you happen to be the type that doesn't really persevere, thus, you = mediocre).

Here's snippets:

"More and more I am realising the importance of perseverance to effective leadership. There are so many different obstacles and barriers to attaining our vision and purpose in the world today that without perseverance we will fail to make a meaningful difference in the world. Perseverance is what’s requires to face failure and then to get up again to fight another day."

"Psychologists say it’s not simply the fact that these people learned from mistakes that led to eventual success. It’s also the resilience they displayed in getting past those potholes. Failure can be "informative rather than demoralizing. It tells you what you may need to do to make it," says Albert Bandura, the Stanford psychology professor who in the 1970s pioneered the social cognitive theory of self-efficacy—an inner belief in one’s ability to succeed."

"As you’re faced with the weeks and months ahead make a decision to persevere, to never give up on your vision, to never settle for second best, make the decision to press forwards, to be determined to overcome and archive your purposes. Make a decision to believe in yourself, to believe that you can do what you set your mind to, that despite setback, you will get back up and continue. It’s not the fact that you fail, which makes you a failure. It’s when you stay down, it’s when you decide not to get up to try again…… that’s what makes you a failure!"

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Perseverance.... I really should have that word permanently tattooed into my brain.

Condensation of posts

又回到了Blogger.... 從MSN Space到Yahoo Blog... 又回到了MSN Space,後來又去自己開了個Wordpress blog..... 後來我用的free host當了好幾天,讓我對他的confidence drop的很快. 現在..... 又回到了Blogger囉....

/感覺我的blogging experience有點reflect我的personality.
Impulsive.
喜新厭舊.
Indecisive.
/

(不知道會在這多久......)

Anyway......

這個新layout有點"clash"的感覺 (Nodame Cantabile/Japanese dramas and Russian supermodel 好像有那麼一點不太match....^^").

管他的.
我喜歡交響情人夢,and I like Natalia. Clashing is totally the new black.
(Note: Natalia = Natalia Vodianova. For some reason, her appearance just appeals to me // plus she seems pretty down-to-earth, low-keyed, and you don't see her flashing her panties or of her intoxicated trashy photos plastered over the tabloids).

今天的Brain & Behaviour mini-test....
討厭
明明可以10/10.... 錯了一題. 算了,,,下次更加油!!!

Bicultural Perspectives is actually more interesting than I anticipated.
讓我有對了別的culture增加了更多的respect, especially for the indigenous Maori of New Zealand.

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蔡旻佑 (Evan Yo) & 新垣結衣 出了新的album + singles!!
*happy*
還沒聽 但一定不會disappointed的 : )
Wilbur Pan also has a new album out, a compilation of his most famous songs + remixes + new singles. 聽不膩他的ABC accent,呵呵~

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Ok... off to bed I go.
Tomorrow, studystudy!!